The Love of Jeanne Ney

The Love of Jeanne Ney

Director: G.W. Pabst

Starring: Edith Jehanne, Brigitte Helm

The Love of Jeanne Ney is another film from the German Silent era, by G.W. Pabst.

Jeanne Ney is a French woman who returns to France after her father is killed while being a political observer in Crimea (Russia), post-World War I. While in France she works for her uncle, is excited when the Bolshevik she loves comes to France and seeks her out, and her blind cousin gets involved with a scoundrel.

The sad part about this movie, is what I just wrote makes much more sense than the movie.

The script is all over the place, with many things happening at uneven pacing. There is no clear plot, theme, story or subplot. This is not an experimental or esoteric film, it is presented as a linear narrative, just not a good one.

What is going on in this film is never quite clear. What is also muddled is if Jeanne knows the man she loves killed her father. I say yes, which makes things more confusing.

The filming and style of the movie is solid. The acting is passable, with only Brigitte Helm delivering any real quality.

G.W. Pabst fails to make a compelling film with Jeanne Ney, instead allowing the film to fall into the darkness of the noir he tried to invoke.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Thoughts hurt here.

RATING: 4.5

Diary of a Lost Girl

Directed by G.W. Pabst
Screenplay by Rudolf Leonhardt
From the Novel by Margarethe Bohme
Starring Louise Brooks

Dairy of a Lost Girl is an odd film. A silent film out of the great German silent era, it is supposed to be a drama about Thymain Henning, a young women struggling to make her way in life after being disowned by her Pharmacist father. However, there are elements in the film that take away from the drama and drag the film down.

The strong point of this film is the characters, at least they are defined and strong.


Overall though the script and story are thin, barely enough to carry a film of 113 minutes in length. After the character of Thymain (Louise Brooks) has a child out of wedlock and is disowned by her father, she is sent to a reformatory.

It is this thirty minute chunk at the reformatory that the film isn’t just lost, but destroyed. The acting is overwrought and terrible, everything is robotic and monotonous and it slows down the pacing and plot of an otherwise already slow drama.

I get what Pabst was going for – to show reformatories as stifling in nature – but it could have been done a lot better.

Dairy of a Lost Girl never recovers from this point on, in fact it seems to try too hard to get to the end.

Pabst employs a number of different techniques to this film, but none seem to work. Indeed there are moments that seem like they were intended to be comedic, but fall flat and are out of place.

Dairy of a Lost Girl has a lot in common with its main character: Lost, unsure of itself and at best hoping to be a good film.

FINAL THOUGHTS
This is supposed to be a classic of the German Silent era (my favorite era in film), but isn’t. It doesn’t rank against the best of that era, and by itself it is barely average at best.

RATING: 5

HELLRAISER

The First time I watched HellRaiser was 1994/95. I watched it for three reasons.

• I had always heard how awesome of a movie it was.
• I was, and am, a big Andrew Robinson fan due to his work as Garrick on Star Trek Deep Space Nine.
• I wanted to see it.

I remember not liking the movie. I had not watched it since, nor seen any of the sequels. Over this past Halloween I decided to give HellRaiser a second chance, in fact I planned on watching all the movies over a few days.

I have written this before, and am sure I will again: BAD MOVE. BIG MISTAKE.

A lot of people are not going to like this!

I remembered very quickly why I didn’t like the film the first time. Not just didn’t like, hated. In fact, I didn’t then, and still don’t today, understand why it I held up in such high esteem.

Hellraiser is just not very good. It is a very amateurish looking film. It has poor acting, bad pacing and non-existence characterization. The script is very lacking and Clive Barker’s direction is nowhere to be found.

Yes, there is some decent effects and nice gore value (for the ‘80’s), but those do not a film make. Not even a horror film.

I know the argument that this is existential horror. Nope. Doesn’t fly. Surreal, maybe. Existential. No.

To be blunt, HellRiaser is a piss poor, amateurish, badly made film.

• Bad Acting
• Bad Characterization
• Bad Directing
• Bad Filming
• Bad Movie
• Unwatchable

FINAL THOUGHTS:
HellRaiser puts the ‘Horr’ in Horrible.

RATING: HELL

THE KEEP

Is the Keep an actual movie? I’m serious on this question. From what I understand the movie was never actually finished, at least not to director’s Michael Mann’s satisfaction. There are at least three different versions out there of varying length and different scenes.

I have only recently watched the Keep, in what I found out was the studio cut 96-minute version . . . something which is almost unreviewable.

Because of the troubled history of this film, multiple reshoots, FX Supervisor dying during production and talk of Michael Mann constantly changing his mind, it is hard to really review this film with taking them into consideration.

I will try though.

The 96-minute cut of the film is not very good. This cut seems unfinished and as if half the movie is missing, and indeed that might be true. Mann’s original cut was reportedly 210 minutes long – with another cut being 120 minutes.

This 96-minute cut was apparently done by the studio without Mann’s involvement, so the poor editing and presentation can’t be solely credited to Mann. However, what is in the scenes can be.

The 96 minute cut is a glimpse of what could have been, and what is. The ‘what is’ part tells us certain things: such as poor editing, poor direction, lackluster acting and mediocre script. It is more of a template for a longer film, then a film itself.

Indeed, the 96 minute cut feels like outtakes cobbled together to make a film.

There could be a good film in here somewhere. There might actually be a film in here somewhere. I am interested in one day seeing the longer cuts, but am not sure if that is a good idea.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Only if you have nothing better to do.

RATING: BARELY A FILM

DOCTOR STRANGE

No, this is not my thoughts on Dr. Strange, the 1978 TV film starring Peter Hooten. Which was released last week on DVD. I actually did get to the theater to see Doctor Strange.

Before I go too far, I have to mention that I loved this film.

The Direction was strong. The acting superb and dead on, and the casting near perfect.

This may well be the most beautiful special effects, co-driven film ever made.

I write co-driven, because this is more than VFX. Even if one can get lost in the visuals quiet easily and remain happy. It would be quiet easy to get lost in that candy, but that is only the surface. One needs to scratch to get deeper.

If one can look past the VFX, action, the mysticism and the linear narrative, one would discover that what this actually is, is a concept piece and character study.

THE STORY
Doctor Stephen Strange, a Neurosurgeon, loses the use of his hands in a car accident. Traveling to the Far East to find a way to heal his hands, he begins training in the mystic arts. He excels and become embroiled in a battle with a renegade sorcerer who want to put the Earth in the hands of the Demon Dormammu from the dark dimension.

THE CONCEPT
All the mysticism. Everything taught by The Ancient One, and learned by Strange. That is the concept of the film. Not to gain power, but to expand one’s mind. To be open to all things. To the multiverse, to new ways of thinking.

‘In order to conquer something, you must surrender to it.’ This is an age old philosophy the Ancient One tries to get Strange to understand. ‘It is not about YOU,’ Is another way to phrase it.

THE CHARACTER STUDY
The main crux of Doctor Strange is about Stephen Strange himself. This is a character study of his journey. But what journey? In this story, he under takes three journeys: to heal his hands, to become the Sorcerer Supreme and to change himself – to redeem himself.

Yes, ultimately this is a story of one man finding redemption when he was unaware he needed it. His entire life, it was about him. He did good things, but it is evident that he wasn’t a good man. His arrogance, his success, his purpose.

HIS purpose, when he thought he lost that, it prompted his journey.

He started his journey to heel his hands, only to learn that it was his soul that needed healing.

Once he surrendered to the idea that it isn’t about him, he found his redemption. He moved on from the man he once was, to the man the World needed him to be: The Sorcerer Supreme.

It was a pleasure to share this journey.

FINAL THOUGHT:
Great film and a worthy addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

RATING: 8

The Liberator - Short Film

The Liberator

Directed by Aaron Pope

Starring Lou Ferrigno, Peta Wilson and Michael Dorn, with Ed Asner

This is a nice little short view that can be viewed on Amazon Instant Video (Prime), which is where I watched it.

In this short Lou Ferrigno plays a disgraced ‘super hero’ The Liberator trying to repair his relationship with his daughter and reclaim his reputation. He plans to release the truth about a ten-year old incident that lead to the death of a team mate and him being labeled a traitor.

Only the military and our government, plan to make sure that truth never sees sunlight.

This is actually a very good short film. It is well made, written, the pacing is good and there are very nice action scenes.

Aaron Pope did a very good job in making this short.

The true gem of this piece is Lou Ferrigno. If nothing else, watch this for Ferrigno’s performance. In this short Ferrigno gives the best performance of his career, and proves that he has some chops.

The only drawback with ‘The Liberator’ is that it ends on a cliff hanger. I don’t know if a sequel or more episodes were made, and a search shows nothing. Which is really too bad, as I would love to see where this would have went.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Gritty, epic, well made.

RATING: 7.5

Shadow Dancer

I gather this was a critically acclaimed film, but I can’t fathom why. The only reason I watched it all the way through is because I watched it with my beloved mom – who is from Ireland.

Shadow Dancer stars Andrea Riseborough as an IRA member who is captured and offered a deal by an MI5 operative (Clive Owen): Inform on the IRA, or go to jail. She chooses to inform because of her son, so she can be there for him.

That is about all you might get from this film, if you even get that.

Shadow Dancer is best described as a muddled mess, lacking any real plot, story or a competent script. At some point towards the end there seems to be a love story subplot, but it is non-existent for the entire film.

Nothing in this film ever really happens, despite the fact that it wants you to think something has happened.

This is a long, boring, dry film with nothing to it. There is no life, no feeling, no sense of anything. This is made worse by the performances. If this film had been populated with corpses you would have had a more lively and compelling cast.

Andrea Riseborough walks around like a blank, lifeless zombie. And hers is the best performance in the film.

FINAL THOUGHT:
Shadow Dancer is a Shadow of a film.

RATING: 4

EXPLORERS

Directed by Joe Dante

Starring Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix

I found a used DVD copy of Joe Dante’s EXPLORERS (starring very young Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix) at a Goodwill the other day and snatched it up. I watched it last night for the first time since maybe the ‘80’s. I didn’t remember much of the film or if I liked it.

That was until I start to watch the film and memories of it flooded back. BIG MISTAKE!




The whole point of the film was to make Goonies in space. The problem is, Explorers lacks any sense of fun, or adventure, takes too long to get where it is going, no actual exploring is ever done and the payoff it totally bogus!

In the film Ben (Ethan Hawke) has a dream of a circuit board. Somehow his nerdy ‘scientist’ best friend uses his (‘80’s) computer to turn the dream into reality, which results in an airtight sphere of energy that can help then fly.

Along with their new friend they build a junk spaceship. The sphere allows them to fly and it keeps them alive. The sphere comes in very handy when there ship is taken over and flown into space and docked with a spaceship.




There they meet two aliens, whom Ben believes will reveal the secrets of the universe to a bunch of young school kids. The sad fact is, the only thing the aliens reveal is knowledge of Earth TV and they go through a series of stupid skits acting like TV Characters.

Eventually it is revealed that these alien are just kids, who stole their father’s spaceship.

The only real saving grace of this film is the special effects, which were very good for their time and the budget.

Joe Dante’s direction is the only thing that stops this film from being downright crap. But even he couldn’t save Explorers.

At best, it is an average film that had potential, but never took off.

RATING: 5

Neon Maniacs

Neon Maniacs

Okay, seriously: Neon Maniacs . . . Without a doubt this is some serious ‘80’s horror/gore/supernatural goodness. That may be the nicest thing I can say about the film. Seriously, it is a compliment.

Seriously though, what the Hell is Neon Maniacs? For that matter what is A Neon Maniac? And why the hell are they call Neon? These are serious questions people, and they never get answered. Not that it really makes a difference to the story, plot or characters.

Oh wait, that’s right – who needs a silly story, plot or well-rounded characters? This is ‘80’s horror!



Apparently Neon Maniacs are the Legion of the Damned, unleashed from under San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge to do battle with local teenagers, only to be defeated. Just don’t expect the movie to tell you that part.

For the Gore Miesters out there, there is a lot of gore and violence and gruesome kills. These are the high points of the film.

Production value for Neon Maniacs is typical for the time period and genre, low budget, average, but gets the job down. Acting is typical for the time period and genre, non-existence.

Neon Maniacs is best suited to the Gore Crowd and the So-Bad-It’s-Good niche. Even hardcore genre fans may find the movie lacking and a little to typical. Overall it’s an average film at best.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Why weren’t the God Damn maniacs Neon? Seriously, I wanted NEON!

RATING: 5

The Conjuring

Directed by James Wan

Starring Patrick Wilson, Vera Famiga

Only recently have I watched The Conjuring. I didn’t see it in theaters and it was a middle-of-the-list movie on my see list. It should have been higher.

Patrick Wilson and Vera Famiga star as The Warrens, a legendary husband and wife team of paranormal investigators. Whether they were legit or not, or any of the case they investigated were real hauntings, bare no merit here.

The movie presents them as being legit, and their cases as well. After all, it is based on one of their actual cases.

Let me say this about the movie:

This is one of the best horror films I have seen in a long time. I loved The Conjuring.

The story and script were very strong. Production values were high and the acting excellent.

This movie knows not just how to scare you, but how to chill one to their bones. It takes the time to build up the nightmare slowly, all the while playing games with your head that there might not be a nightmare. There is no gore or shock value. Instead of those they use light and dark, to create an atmosphere and mood that instills dread. They also do something else.

They present the film as a drama. The characters are fleshed out and developed. There is character conflict as well as story conflict. The Warrens are both three-dimensional characters and go through their own journeys.

The Plot and story are also developed as the movie unfolds. Scares and reveals are placed at just the right moments.

The Conjuring has more in common with Val Lawton’s Cat People, then it does a modern day slasher/horror flick. It is better for it.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Vera Famiga is awesome. Awesome.

The Conjuring is excellent too. It pulls off a rare feat of working as a horror and drama film.

RATING: 7.5

Barbarella, Queen of the Galaxy

Directed by Roger Vadim

Starring Jane Fonda, John Phillip Law

Recently I read the collection of the original Barbarella comics. They weren't very good. I then decided to watch the movie for the first time in years.

This is one time the movie is better than the source material. While the basic story of the film does originate with the comics, there are a number of significant changes.

In the movie there are no weapons, universal peace and violence is abhorrent.

In the comics, war abounds, weapons are plentiful, and Barbarella herself is violent.

In the movie physical sex is archaic. In the comic, Barbarella is a pure slut.

Truth is the movie is better then the comic, and much better than many claim.

Barbarella (Jane Fonda) is sent on a mission by the president of Earth to find a rouge scientist, Duran Duran, who has invented a new weapon.

Crash landing on her target planet, Barbarella ends up in a series of events that test her will and expand her sexuality (to put it politely).

Along the way she meets, falls in love with – and makes love to – a Blind Angel (who in truth is the last of his Alien Race), played by John Phillip Law.

Eventually she finds Duran Duran, only to be subject to an outrageous machine which is supposed to ‘stimulate’ her to death. Only Barbarella is too much for the machine, and causes it to overload. Thus she wins the day! Goodness reigns sex er . . . supreme!

Roger Vadim forgoes trying to make a serious moment out of this film. Instead he focused on the silly, fun factor and doing something modern – 'making a comic book movie.'

The story is decent, acting good and direction strong. But the true star of this show is the production values and effects.

This film is absolutely beautiful. Keep in mind this film was made in 1968 and has many sixties styles, including Barbarella’s spaceship filled with shag carpeting.

Sixties styles aside, the effect for this film are awesome and stunning. The filming is outstanding and the colors are superb. There are sequences in this film that have never been done again.

This film truly looks like the printed comic book page – and is richer for it.





FINAL THOUGHTS:

Overall Barbarella is a kitschy, sexy, campy, psychedelic trip. Thing is, it is far more compelling and fun film that many people give it credit for.

RATING: 6.5

MATT MERCURY

Matt Mercury. I’ve seen this on Amazon Instant Video for a long time. The other night I took the plunge and decided to give it a chance.

I almost want to apologize for what I am about to write . . .

Giving this film a chance was, well, not a good idea. It ended up being even worse than I thought it would be, or thought it could be.

The fact that the filmmakers got the film made and got it on Amazon is the nicest thing I can say about the film.

The story is terrible, the acting atrocious and the production values are up to Saturday Morning Kids show standards in deepest, darkest Africa – where TV doesn’t exist.

The film is one of the worst films I have ever had the unfortunate dis-pleasure of seeing. The thing is, it seems to me like the filmmakers may have had a lot of fun trying to make a ‘so bad it’s good’ movie. If that is the case (and I have no idea) they partly succeed, but only the ‘so bad’ part.

Let me make one thing clear, I didn’t like the film, but I refuse the bash or write ill of the filmmakers. I don’t know them, they could be good people. They may have had a lot of fun making this – whatever it is . . . there has to be some reason for it to exist.

FINAL THOUGHTS
I try not to have any more thoughts on this film.

RATING: UNRATABLE. (IS THAT A WORD?)

LUGGAGE OF THE GODS

Why? Why didn’t someone warn me about this movie? I probably would still have given it a chance, but a warning would have been nice.

Instead I have been often told about how great this movie is. That it is a Cult Classic. I know a number of people on the lookout for the out-of-print DVD.

I’ve even seen professional critics who praised this film.

The only thing I see when it comes to Luggage of the Gods that I can praise is the fact that someone actually made the film. Oh, and the pretty female lead.

Luggage of the Gods can be best describe as experimental filmmaking, unless people were really high when developing the film. It lacks a plot, any coherent script, little characterization and what passes for acting is something I have rarely seen – and don’t wish to again.

The idea behind the film is that some luggage is dropped from an airplane and lands in a remote area where there are still lost cavemen. The luggage (from the modern world) has an effect on this tribe, as do some bad men who come looking for an item in one of the pieces of luggage.

As in many other films concerning ‘Cavemen’, there is little to no dialogue (but there is narration), just lots of grunts, groans and odd facial gestures.

Oh, and this group of cavemen apparently live near New York City – but somehow have never seen the city????

The narration I mentioned above, is seemingly by one of the main characters who lives the tribe behind and journeys into the modern world and learns English.

The idea is solid – but the execution is silly. This is something that would have worked better as a short film, than a feature.

FINAL THOUGHT

UGGG

RATING: 3

What I Watch I Review: The Kiss Short Film

The Kiss is an Australian short film that can be seen on Amazon.

On their way home, perhaps from a party and seemingly drunk, two female best friends decide to climb into a huge water tank. There, they have fun swimming around and playing pranks with some lesbian overtones. All is fun until one actually drowns, leaving the other to scream for help where there is none.

There are nice things about The Kiss: the production values are good and the performances shine. The two actresses truly feel like best friends.

The thing is, the overall story falls a little flat. It just doesn’t feel like there was enough to this story, like it was missing a scene or a few more minutes.

This short film is worth a viewing, but just don’t be surprised if you come away feeling like it just didn’t quite get there.

Rating: 5.5

What I Watch I Review: SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO

Director: Takashi Yamazaki

Screenwriter: Shimako Sato

Starring: Tsutomu Yamazaki; Takuya Kimura; Meisa Kuroki; Toshiro Yanagiba

Based upon: SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO anime series, also known as the North American edited Star Blazers.

I am vaguely familiar with the SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO anime series. I know I watched episodes as a child (probably the Star Blazers version), but don’t remember much. So, for this, my view wasn’t tainted by love or hate for the anime.

The film is the epitome of an eye-candy, popcorn, special effect extravaganza, leave-your-brains-at-the-door, film event.

SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO is a gorgeous and glorious film filled with space battles, great special effects, awesome actions scene and great camera work. Production values are top notch.

(You knew this was coming, right?) What is not gorgeous and glorious about SPACE BATTLESHIP YAMATO? The plot is virtually non-existent, and the script is poor with only the barebones of a story which hits all the highlights and nothing else. Everything that happens is by the book and overly predictable, and not in a good way.

There is little actual acting in the film, but to be honest the actors are not given much to work with. The characters are typical stock characters with little personality, no depth and just serve to get us from one special effects to another.

If you a fan of the anime, I believe you can skip this film. I don’t think you’re missing anything.

Okay, to be honest, I think everyone can skip this film.

RATING: 4

Sherlock Holmes & The Leading Lady and Sherlock Holmes & The Incident at Victoria Falls

This What I Watch I review is going to be fairly brief.

I recently watch the early 90’s Sherlock Holmes mini-series out of Canada, Sherlock Holmes & The Leading Lady and Sherlock Holmes & The Incident at Victoria Falls. These starred Christopher Lee as Holmes and Patrick McNee as Watson.

The best thing about these two min-series was Patrick McNee as Watson. He played Watson as the intelligent doctor he was in Doyle’s stories, not the comic relief as often used in movies.

Other than McNee there isn’t much else to care for in these productions.

Which is a shame, I have wanted to see these for a long time, as I am a huge Sherlock Holmes fans.

The scripts and characterization are very weak. The acting is atrocious, with Morgan Fairchild being a particular offender.

The production values are almost non-existent, even for a Canadian production. It feels like these were lensed on an early camcorder. Many scenes are flat and lifeless, and some are foggy. It seems like these were more of a stage play, then epic television Mini-Series events.

Then there are the audio problems. Massive audio problems. Most of the dialog doesn’t match up with who is speaking, giving these the feel of old school badly dubbed 70’s Hong Kong Martial Arts flicks.

Just sad.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
You would think that Christopher Lee and Patrick McNee together could salvage these two Holmes stories, alas they were unable.

RATINGS: 3

BLONDIE Film Series

Oh, Boy. Sometimes watching something is just a mistake, a bad mistake.

Not too long ago I bought a bargain bin $5 DVD of the Blondie films from the 1930’s/40’s, based upon the Blondie comic book strip. There are ten films on the 2-disc set. I have since learned to buy nothing put out by this company.

I was feeling like some comedy, and I like the current Blondie strip, so I popped in the first disc to watch at least one film Tuesday night and  . . .

Wow, was it bad. I’m not talking the lackluster, slightly fuzzy print either. I’m talking the film. It wasn’t a comedy, it was just dumb. Dagwood is completely stupid and inept, and even Blondie is presented as dimwitted, and then the kid. Geez.

The stories were terrible. I couldn’t make it through the first film in the series, so I skipped to the second. Then I skipped to the fourth. After a few minutes of that I popped in the second disc and put on the tenth film in the set.

It was just as bad as the first.

I know the Blondie strip was different back then, but I doubt they presented everyone as an idiot. I also know that stories need to be fleshed out a lot to adapt a strip to film. Still, while wildly successful in their day (a few dozen where made) they don’t hold up.

FINAL THOUGHT:
The films are not fun as they should be, just dumb.

RATING: 2

METALSTORM The Destruction of Jared-Syn

Directed by Charles Band

Produced by Charles Band, Albert Band, Alan J. Alder

Written by Alan J. Alder

Starring Jeffrey Bryon Dogen

        Michael Preston         Jared-Syn

        Tim Thomerson Rhodes

        Kelly Preston Dhyana

        Richard Moll         Hurok

        R. David Smith Baal

Best Performance: Richard Moll

Worst Performance: R. David Smith

Release Year: 1983

I am a fan of Charles Band (Empire pictures, Full Moon Entertainment). Honestly though, I think I am more of a fan of what he had achieved in his long indie film career, more than some of the films. While he directed, produced or released some entertaining films, some good films, there were also some very bla films.

MetalStorm is one of those bla films.

I want to get one thing out of the way right up front. I have never understood while this film was subtitled ‘The Destruction of Jared-Syn,’ that makes this sound like a sequel to me. It is a stand-alone film. I for one am grateful for that.

For some reason I had decent memories of this film as a child. So much in fact I tracked it down and bought it on DVD. 

Mistake #1 was trusting my memory.

Mistake #2 was buying the DVD

Mistake #3 was watching this movie again recently.

On almost every level this movie is completely sub-par. The script is plot-less and really goes nowhere. The characters are very one-dimensional and almost non-existent in characterization. 

The main character, Dogen, is a perfect example of this. A mad max knock-off, he is Ranger – Finder Class – who is constantly referred to as a great warrior. Yet he does nothing to warrant that! A lame character that does nothing heroic, and certainly nothing warrior-like. To call him incompetent would be an insult to incompetence.

There is no acting in this film. Basically there is primping for the camera and reciting memorized lines. Richard Moll, who plays an always smiling, bald, Cyclops, gives the only thing close to an acting performance.

How bad is this film? The write up for the movie mentions it takes place on another world called Lemruai, yet that is never mentioned in the film. It plays more like a post-apocalypse film, then a space adventure.

There is an attempt to add some depth and mysticism to the film with the concept of an ancient magic crystal. Yet it is barely mentioned, poorly developed and only adds to the confusion of the story. It somehow comes into play in the third act and leads to one of the worst final confrontations I have ever seen.

If you’re in the mood for some dumb post-apocalypse film, go for it. It might fill that need.

Until watching it again recently, I never knew this was filmed in 3D. That might explain how pissed poor the transfer is on the DVD.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Sub-Par.

RATING: 4

Star Wars: The Forces Awakens Review

This is my first WHAT I WATCH I REVIEW post in almost a year! Much less this year!

By now, I assume most people who want to, have seen Star Wars: The Forces Awakens, given the fact that it crossed the Billion Dollar mark world-wide in ten days. However that doesn’t exactly mean anything as to how good a film is.

“At least the prequels had good music.” – Dave Parrish, Producer, Rebel Dawn Creative Forces, Activist/Owner Operation Save the Earth.

I have very mixed feelings about this film, because there are some really good things, and one great moment.

That great moment is the face to face between Han Solo and Kylo Ren. Adam Driver delivered big time in this scene.

In fact Adam Driver is the one shining gem in this movie for me. He is a far better actor then Hayden Christianson and he makes Kylo Ren infinitely more watchable then Anakin Skywalker. Kylo Ren is also a far more three-dimensional character than The Phantom Menace’s Darth Maul.

The effects are good, the acting is good and most of the characters are well–defined. The film itself looks beautiful, the effects and cinematography are awesome.

It may well be the best film J.J. Abrams has ever made.

It actually feels like a Star Wars film. And that is where the film fails and bottoms out.

It doesn’t feel like a NEW Star Wars film, or a continuation of the series. That’s because it isn’t. It is in fact an in series reboot, a borderline remake of A New Hope, and Empire and Jedi to a lesser degree. Almost every major scene in the film, every major plot point, is lifted from A New Hope.

The light saber duels mirror Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s duel from Revenge of the Sith, and Luke and Vader’s duels from Empire and Jedi.

Hell, even Obi-Wan’s death is mirrored in this film.

No one even bothered to come up with a new ‘doomsday weapon.’ It was the Death Star now called the Star-Killer (Skywalker’s original last name) and it is an actual weaponized planet. It was even destroyed in the same way both previous Death Stars were destroyed.

The Forces Awakens fails to do the one simple things it was supposed to do, in fact had to do. It fails to move the story forward in any meaningful way. Yes, we have five new characters, but that isn’t enough.

I loved seeing Han and Leia. Ford and Fisher delivered. Unfortunately, they weren’t the Han and Leia we should have, and deserved. What we should have is characters who have grown over the last thirty years. Character more developed; familiar, but not the same. Instead, for some reason Han and Leia devolved as characters.

They were the Han and Leia from A New Hope. Han being the smuggler, outlaw scoundrel flying by the set of his pants; Leia being the carrying-the-galaxy-on-her shoulders rebel leader.

In essence Disney put their stamp all over the film. Rebooting the franchise to basically make it start here. J.J. does what he always does, simply redoes someone else’s idea.

The worst part of this isn’t that The Forces Awakens is a bad film. It is just an average film at best.

STAR WARS: MAY THE CLIFF NOTES BE WITH YOU, would have been a more apt name for this movie.

In essence what we truly have here is a two hour Star Wars crawl.

RATING: 5/10