METALSTORM The Destruction of Jared-Syn

Directed by Charles Band

Produced by Charles Band, Albert Band, Alan J. Alder

Written by Alan J. Alder

Starring Jeffrey Bryon Dogen

        Michael Preston         Jared-Syn

        Tim Thomerson Rhodes

        Kelly Preston Dhyana

        Richard Moll         Hurok

        R. David Smith Baal

Best Performance: Richard Moll

Worst Performance: R. David Smith

Release Year: 1983

I am a fan of Charles Band (Empire pictures, Full Moon Entertainment). Honestly though, I think I am more of a fan of what he had achieved in his long indie film career, more than some of the films. While he directed, produced or released some entertaining films, some good films, there were also some very bla films.

MetalStorm is one of those bla films.

I want to get one thing out of the way right up front. I have never understood while this film was subtitled ‘The Destruction of Jared-Syn,’ that makes this sound like a sequel to me. It is a stand-alone film. I for one am grateful for that.

For some reason I had decent memories of this film as a child. So much in fact I tracked it down and bought it on DVD. 

Mistake #1 was trusting my memory.

Mistake #2 was buying the DVD

Mistake #3 was watching this movie again recently.

On almost every level this movie is completely sub-par. The script is plot-less and really goes nowhere. The characters are very one-dimensional and almost non-existent in characterization. 

The main character, Dogen, is a perfect example of this. A mad max knock-off, he is Ranger – Finder Class – who is constantly referred to as a great warrior. Yet he does nothing to warrant that! A lame character that does nothing heroic, and certainly nothing warrior-like. To call him incompetent would be an insult to incompetence.

There is no acting in this film. Basically there is primping for the camera and reciting memorized lines. Richard Moll, who plays an always smiling, bald, Cyclops, gives the only thing close to an acting performance.

How bad is this film? The write up for the movie mentions it takes place on another world called Lemruai, yet that is never mentioned in the film. It plays more like a post-apocalypse film, then a space adventure.

There is an attempt to add some depth and mysticism to the film with the concept of an ancient magic crystal. Yet it is barely mentioned, poorly developed and only adds to the confusion of the story. It somehow comes into play in the third act and leads to one of the worst final confrontations I have ever seen.

If you’re in the mood for some dumb post-apocalypse film, go for it. It might fill that need.

Until watching it again recently, I never knew this was filmed in 3D. That might explain how pissed poor the transfer is on the DVD.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Sub-Par.

RATING: 4