WHAT I WATCH I REVIEW: RESIDENT EVIL Film Series

RESIDENT EVIL

Film Series

Starring Milla Jovovich

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil, Afterlife, Retribution, The Final Chapter); Alexander Witt (Apocalypse); Russell Mulcahy (Extinction)

Recently I have watched all six Resident Evil movies over the course of one week. What exactly does that mean? Well, to begin with: Nothing. It means nothing.





First off the Resident Evil films have nothing at all to do with the Resident Evil video games series. (See, nothing.)

Secondly they barely have anything to do with being actual films. (Again, nothing)

They are very threatening films though. Let me explain:

They Threaten to actually tell stories and have a plot – but never follow through. There is nary a plot to be found in any of the films – or anything resembling something as silly as a story. In fact, you can fast forward through all the films and never miss any story points.

They Threaten to have any real action or adventure. Well, here they almost follow through – there is some action, but little actual adventure. Most of the action so is overboard and cartoonish that it borders on lame.

They Threaten to have anything resembling actual three-dimensional characters people can relate to. Are there any characters in these films? Hell, I’d settle for stock characters. Even Alice has very little characterization or personality. As for character depth? Zilch. The characters are nothing more than filler for the (almost) pretty backgrounds.

They Threaten to have pretty backgrounds. And they fail miserable. How can a major, theatrical release film franchise in this modern era with a mid-level budget have such terrible special effects, and shoddy camera work? Hell if I now. Ask Paul W.S. Anderson.

Most of all they Threaten to be entertaining. NOT!!

Above everything else these film are a giant tease. What else can you call 9 hours of Milla Jovovich running, jumping and dancing around half-naked or in skin tight outfits? Seriously, it’s like a 9 hour lap dance without a payoff. (Yes, I went there.)

The Resident Evil film series is easily the worst theatrical released film series in history. Period. Loud, nosy, lame, boring, poorly acted, poorly written, poorly made and piss-poorly directed. I would write ‘poor effects’ but that would be a compliment.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Let THE ASYLUM take over the reboot. At least that would be entertaining.

RATING: F@%& NO.