METALSTORM The Destruction of Jared-Syn

Directed by Charles Band

Produced by Charles Band, Albert Band, Alan J. Alder

Written by Alan J. Alder

Starring Jeffrey Bryon Dogen

        Michael Preston         Jared-Syn

        Tim Thomerson Rhodes

        Kelly Preston Dhyana

        Richard Moll         Hurok

        R. David Smith Baal

Best Performance: Richard Moll

Worst Performance: R. David Smith

Release Year: 1983

I am a fan of Charles Band (Empire pictures, Full Moon Entertainment). Honestly though, I think I am more of a fan of what he had achieved in his long indie film career, more than some of the films. While he directed, produced or released some entertaining films, some good films, there were also some very bla films.

MetalStorm is one of those bla films.

I want to get one thing out of the way right up front. I have never understood while this film was subtitled ‘The Destruction of Jared-Syn,’ that makes this sound like a sequel to me. It is a stand-alone film. I for one am grateful for that.

For some reason I had decent memories of this film as a child. So much in fact I tracked it down and bought it on DVD. 

Mistake #1 was trusting my memory.

Mistake #2 was buying the DVD

Mistake #3 was watching this movie again recently.

On almost every level this movie is completely sub-par. The script is plot-less and really goes nowhere. The characters are very one-dimensional and almost non-existent in characterization. 

The main character, Dogen, is a perfect example of this. A mad max knock-off, he is Ranger – Finder Class – who is constantly referred to as a great warrior. Yet he does nothing to warrant that! A lame character that does nothing heroic, and certainly nothing warrior-like. To call him incompetent would be an insult to incompetence.

There is no acting in this film. Basically there is primping for the camera and reciting memorized lines. Richard Moll, who plays an always smiling, bald, Cyclops, gives the only thing close to an acting performance.

How bad is this film? The write up for the movie mentions it takes place on another world called Lemruai, yet that is never mentioned in the film. It plays more like a post-apocalypse film, then a space adventure.

There is an attempt to add some depth and mysticism to the film with the concept of an ancient magic crystal. Yet it is barely mentioned, poorly developed and only adds to the confusion of the story. It somehow comes into play in the third act and leads to one of the worst final confrontations I have ever seen.

If you’re in the mood for some dumb post-apocalypse film, go for it. It might fill that need.

Until watching it again recently, I never knew this was filmed in 3D. That might explain how pissed poor the transfer is on the DVD.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Sub-Par.

RATING: 4

Star Wars: The Forces Awakens Review

This is my first WHAT I WATCH I REVIEW post in almost a year! Much less this year!

By now, I assume most people who want to, have seen Star Wars: The Forces Awakens, given the fact that it crossed the Billion Dollar mark world-wide in ten days. However that doesn’t exactly mean anything as to how good a film is.

“At least the prequels had good music.” – Dave Parrish, Producer, Rebel Dawn Creative Forces, Activist/Owner Operation Save the Earth.

I have very mixed feelings about this film, because there are some really good things, and one great moment.

That great moment is the face to face between Han Solo and Kylo Ren. Adam Driver delivered big time in this scene.

In fact Adam Driver is the one shining gem in this movie for me. He is a far better actor then Hayden Christianson and he makes Kylo Ren infinitely more watchable then Anakin Skywalker. Kylo Ren is also a far more three-dimensional character than The Phantom Menace’s Darth Maul.

The effects are good, the acting is good and most of the characters are well–defined. The film itself looks beautiful, the effects and cinematography are awesome.

It may well be the best film J.J. Abrams has ever made.

It actually feels like a Star Wars film. And that is where the film fails and bottoms out.

It doesn’t feel like a NEW Star Wars film, or a continuation of the series. That’s because it isn’t. It is in fact an in series reboot, a borderline remake of A New Hope, and Empire and Jedi to a lesser degree. Almost every major scene in the film, every major plot point, is lifted from A New Hope.

The light saber duels mirror Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s duel from Revenge of the Sith, and Luke and Vader’s duels from Empire and Jedi.

Hell, even Obi-Wan’s death is mirrored in this film.

No one even bothered to come up with a new ‘doomsday weapon.’ It was the Death Star now called the Star-Killer (Skywalker’s original last name) and it is an actual weaponized planet. It was even destroyed in the same way both previous Death Stars were destroyed.

The Forces Awakens fails to do the one simple things it was supposed to do, in fact had to do. It fails to move the story forward in any meaningful way. Yes, we have five new characters, but that isn’t enough.

I loved seeing Han and Leia. Ford and Fisher delivered. Unfortunately, they weren’t the Han and Leia we should have, and deserved. What we should have is characters who have grown over the last thirty years. Character more developed; familiar, but not the same. Instead, for some reason Han and Leia devolved as characters.

They were the Han and Leia from A New Hope. Han being the smuggler, outlaw scoundrel flying by the set of his pants; Leia being the carrying-the-galaxy-on-her shoulders rebel leader.

In essence Disney put their stamp all over the film. Rebooting the franchise to basically make it start here. J.J. does what he always does, simply redoes someone else’s idea.

The worst part of this isn’t that The Forces Awakens is a bad film. It is just an average film at best.

STAR WARS: MAY THE CLIFF NOTES BE WITH YOU, would have been a more apt name for this movie.

In essence what we truly have here is a two hour Star Wars crawl.

RATING: 5/10